How Do I Explain to My Friend that I Can’t Go Off My Diet for the Holidays?

Great question! In the beginning of someone’s gluten-free journey, they might need six months to a year to learn their new diet. All things considered, how can they expect those around them to understand the intricacies of this challenging lifestyle? It is actually quite common for friends and family members to say things like “you’re not going to stay on your diet during the holidays are you?”, as happened to the person who had this question. You might come across a well meaning church member that comments “surely one little cookie isn’t going to kill you” Of course one little cookies won’t kill you (unless you have a wheat allergy) but untreated celiac can actually lead to some cancers, including non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma. One could argue that eating gluten can eventually kill someone who can’t tolerate gluten.

First of all, consider that as hard as this new lifestyle is for you, it’s also a little hard on the people in your life. Think about it for a moment. Many of our social interactions with others involve food. For some people almost all their social activities revolve around food. Then one day you can’t eat what you always have and that means you can’t eat the food that others love to share with you. As odd as it sound, this can be taken as an insult by some of those people. All you’re trying to do is keep from getting sick and a dear friend is upset with you because you won’t try her lasagna at a party. Sounds crazy right? It does to me too, but since I’ve lived it myself, I know it happens way more often than it should.

Take yourself out of the equation for a minute and think about what is really going on. You are in effect, changing how you interact with friends, family members and even co-workers. Your new diet is being imposed on others in a way, even though they can eat anything they want to. Even something as simple as your annual goodie swap can create problems between you and long time friends. Do you remember when Coke introduced New Coke? It didn’t go over well and the company eventually killed New Coke. The company spent millions of dollars creating and rolling out the new product but they didn’t take a very important fact into consideration. People in general don’t like change, period. This applies to all types of change, including you changing your diet and therefore changing how you relate to other people in your life.

More often than not, friends and family will eventually come around and warm up to your new gluten-free life. It might take some people a while to get with the program, but if they care about you enough to be included in your life, they will figure out a way to respect your needs. Consider that if someone you know is extremely unhealthy and maybe food is in large part contributing to their own health problems. How do you think it makes them feel to see you taking your health seriously while they continue to do things that contribute to their own poor health? It might make them feel pretty bad about themselves. Try to have some sympathy for them and maybe the relationship will survive. It also might not last. By the tenth time you’re invited to someone’s home and it’s made clear to you that there will be nothing for you to eat, you might want to evaluate the relationship and decide if it’s worth saving or not. One thing is for sure – you should not be made to feel bad, guilty or like a nuisance just because you can’t eat gluten. Anyone who makes you feel those things is someone who needs a serious attitude adjustment themselves.

Have a question about the gluten-free diet that we haven’t covered yet?  You can now submit your questions here! (Note: All medical questions should be directed to your physician)